Welcome back to my monthly reflections 🎉

This newsletter has three purposes:

1. A dedicated time for me to reflect on and draw meaning out of the last month ✏️.
2. An entry for conversation – if anything of what I write awakens something in you, I encourage you to reply 🙋‍♂️.
3. An insight into my thoughts regarding the topics I write about 💭.

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If a person you know would benefit from what I write about, forward this newsletter to them! At the bottom, they'll find a link in case they want to subscribe, too.

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In this very email, I write about taking back my power, resentment and forgiveness, the outdated idea of working hours, how to improve your past, and my encounter with an octopus.

I hope you enjoy!

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Taking Back My Power

A variety of factors have come together and I decided to take more charge of my life again, including actively countering victimhood thoughts. It's often easier to not do that because if I'm not the one responsible, I don't need to change anything. And if I take responsibility, it can quickly feel like a burden (not necessarily but possibly).

A big part of this process of taking back my power is putting myself first, making decisions that are important for myself first.

One decision that came out of that is being more active physically... I've always seen myself as an athlete, even though that image of myself faded in the last couple of years. I decided to strengthen it again.

I know a couple of endurance athletes and started my own training for an 80 km run. I'm documenting the progress of project "21 to 80k" on YouTube:

It's still a bit crazy to me to that our bodies are capable of feats such as running 18 hours straight. But then again, that's what evolution brought us. It's only since settling down about 10k years ago that many of our ancestors stopped running a lot.

There are still hunter-gatherer tribes and the hunters easily go for an 80 km hunt to provide some food for the tribe. It's daily business for them.

I'm four runs in now and feel great. I'm inspired and confident. I just need to make sure not to get sunburnt! On the 14th I have my first race, a 13 km trail in Tírig.

I said I'm confident but also admit that I have trained on flat terrain so far. The race will not be flat, however. Rather, it's a 600m change in elevation. Let's see how it' goes!

Apart from stepping up my movement with running, I've also spent some of the mornings doing rooftop yoga instead of my morning walk, and some of the evenings doing a stretch-and-relax yoga session. Yoga is such a great way to move and breathe!

I used to be very regular with yoga many years ago and now actually use the same routines to get back into it, that makes it easy and feels good. My body still remembers the sequences!

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Resentment

I recorded a great More Life episode on resentment but already before this was a topic that I explored deeply. I noticed that I'd resent people and situations in my life because I wasn't clear on my boundaries and desires.

I gave in to their idea even before thinking of what I preferred. Over time, that created resentment.

Taking responsibility is only part of the solution for me. The other part is checking in with myself to notice what I want and need, and whether I'm okay meeting someone else in the halfway (or wherever both of us are willing to meet).

If I'm not willing to adapt, I need to be clear about that - that's not always easy and was probably the main reason I didn't do it much before. Especially when I don't feel great, it's tempting to give in.

Do you do that too?

The mentioned episode is with Candice Wu and will be released on the 17th of May! I'll remind you about it in my next reflections.

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New Episodes Available

I'll make it short:

A few words about the process: I love having great conversations with inspiring people. Who doesn't?

Recording an episode, for me, is about having fun while talking about something important. And most of the time that works out pretty well!

I'm still refining the editing process and might outsource parts of it. For now, I'm focused on scheduling episodes in advance for the summer. In the beginning of July, I want to have at least four episodes (meaning four weeks) scheduled in advance.

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A Visible Mentor

Last month I wrote about invisible mentors and encouraged you to ask questions to people you know (no matter how well) and that way, receive a form of mentoring from them. Even if it's just one short interaction.

I met my current mentor in January 2020 but only last month reached out asking if he'd be up for meeting with me periodically and supporting me. He accepted.

To be honest, I was very hesitant to ask. But life often rewards me when I muster courage. The worst would be to never know if he would've accepted or not!

Do you have a mentor? Or several? If not, who could be a fitting mentor for you?

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Goodbye Working Hours?

I mostly determine myself when to work. My clients schedule their sessions but I can determine the windows of time available. I can do async work whenever.

Based on that, I'm exploring letting go of the concept of working hours. Until now, I aimed to roughly work from 9 AM to 1 PM and 4 PM to 7 PM.

But do I need that? Progress is not linear and what's work and what isn't is not as clearly defined for me.

This is actually a really profound question that many leaders ask themselves. Should agreements be about working hours? Or should we let go and measure output?

However, in the latter case, we'd likely sacrifice short-term gains for long-term prosperity. I don't think there's an easy answer.

My current approach starts with planning the week and what I'd like to accomplish, planning the day ahead, and then taking relevant action.

I still usually work somewhere within the defined hours. But I allow myself to work outside of them, too. The other day, I completed Emerging Men's website before going to bed. I was in a flow and wanted to ride the wave of inspiration.

What's your preferred way of working?

Do you need rigid structure to get stuff done?

How would it be ideally?

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Your Present Creates Your Past

Strange, right? Most people see time as linear: the past lead to the present, the present leads to the future.

When it comes to how we remember, however, our present dictates our past. Think about it, if you're happy, you're more likely to remember all the joy you experienced in the past. If you're sad, however, you're more likely to remember all the sadness...

That means that your present dictates your past!

So, is being happy all the time the remedy?

No.

"Negative" memories come back to the conscious awareness for a reason... to be processed. Learning from and accepting our past, which we can do in the present, quietens it. In turn, we bring less baggage to the present and can live a greater future.

How to do that? There are many different ways that work. The most obvious are verbal: journal about what happened and what you can learn from it or discuss it with a friend, coach, or therapist.

Another way is through bodily movement.

To learn more about this idea and how to apply it to journalling in particular, check out the video How To Journal: Transform Your Past & Create Your Future! Thanks to Jesse for making me aware of it!

I've now added a couple of questions to my evening journalling:

• What did I learn today?
• What am I unlearning? (What behavioural or thought patterns am I letting go? This one I have to thank Elaine for, who shares about it in our podcast episode)
• Who do I forgive?
• What am I grateful for?

With the question about forgiveness, we go full circle to the part on resentment above. To not build up resentment - against myself or others -, I consciously ask myself what grudge I want to let go of every night.

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My Octopus Friend

Two days ago, I put on my goggles for the first time to go for a short dive. The water is 18°C (64°F) so it's much more tolerable than it was last month.

I dove done, and there he/she was:

I was in awe! It was my first second underwater with goggles and I hadn't seen any octopus for years!

The octopus reminded me of the movie My Octopus Teacher that is/was on Netflix. It shows how a diver befriends an octopus and learns from them. The intelligence the octopus portrays is just incredible!

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Celery and Roses

We drink freshly-pressed celery juice every day, meaning that we have a lot of celery leftovers. Instead of putting them in the reinstated compost, however, they get to continue growing...

There are actually many vegetables that do the same. In the picture you see a lettuce at the front left, for example. You can do it with green onions, pak choi, and fennel bases as well.

Try it out, there's nothing better than freshly harvested produce!

I let the water they stand in evaporate every couple of days to reduce mould growth. And I even planted the strongest celery in another container:

Apart from the celery, our rose deserves some attention: It's been growing phenomenally well!

It's well over 2 metres tall and has so many flowers! And the bees love it (as well as the borage and the nasturtium right next to it) so much, it's a big buzzy party every morning!

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Made it!

And that's my reflection for April!

There are two things I'd like you to consider:

• Reflect on my reflections. I'd be happy to receive a reply from you.
• Forward this newsletter to a person you think would appreciate it.

Until next month,

Jorim