Welcome back to my monthly reflections 🎉

This newsletter has three purposes:

1. A dedicated time for me to reflect on and draw meaning out of the last month ✏️.
2. An entry for conversation – if anything of what I write awakens something in you, I encourage you to reply 🙋‍♂️.
3. An insight into my thoughts regarding the topics I write about 💭.

If a person you know would benefit from what I write about, forward this newsletter to them! At the bottom, they'll find a link in case they want to subscribe, too.

In this very email, I write about loss and its accompanying emotions, negotiation, ChatGPT, immune system boosters, the launch of More Life, basketry with dates and what's happening in our garden. I hope you'll enjoy.

Loss, Grief, and Unpleasant Emotions

On the 1st of February, the police banged on our door. They were looking for my grandma or any other relative of her husband. Knowing two policemen knocking at the door cannot mean anything positive, my partner asked straight away, "Did something happen to him? Did he die?" They nodded.

Nightmare.

He had a heart attack while going for his morning walk with his dog. We ID'ed him and I received the most heart-breaking task: call grandma.

I still recall the moment very clearly and my heart breaks again and again when I think back to the call.

Four days later, he was cremated. Just before, we had the chance to look at and touch his physical body one last time. The ceremony was disorganised yet full of respect and honour at the same time.

I took the initiative to share a few words. Doing it bilingually (Spanish and German), I was able to connect both sides of the family. I shared some fond memories of opa (=grandpa in German) watching him repair clocks as a child, talking with him about the loss of our son, and repairing our chimney just a couple of weeks ago.

I felt sad and allowed myself to cry, no matter who was around me. The weeks after, I feel disorganised and uncertain about the future but also comforted that we had a nice ceremony.

It was important for me to also convey the importance of being present with one's uncomfortable emotions. Having lost our son, grief and sadness are familiar emotions. And I also know what happens when one doesn't honour one's emotions.

What I learn from these experiences with grief goes hand in hand with the book knowledge and is something that I also convey in my coaching and teaching.

Kashdan and Biswas-Diener write about experiencing uncomfortable emotions in The Power of Negative Emotion: How Anger, Guilt and Self Doubt are Essential to Success and Fulfilment, pointing out that "those folks who are comfortable with being both positive and negative, [can] draw from the full range of human emotions [and] are the healthiest, and, often, the most successful".

Furthermore, "it's only when we are unwilling to take on the inevitable pain in life - whether it's the death of a parent, a divorce, or not getting that big promotion at work - that pain turns into something we experience as suffering".

Experiencing one's full range of emotion isn't necessarily easy. And it might not be something one can do quickly. I find myself doing OK but occasionally having heavy emotions bubbling up. Ideally, I take a moment to acknowledge and process them right away.

From Conflict to Collaboration

I've just work finished reading Rompe la Barrera del No (Never Split the Difference) by Chris Voss. He's a former FBI hostage negotiator and writes about his approach to negotiation and conflict.

I watched some of his videos last year and really resonated with his perspective that negotiation is about finding out the hidden desires of both parties collaboratively and then make a win-win deal... or no deal at all.

I was discouraged by the title, Never Split the Difference because I interpreted it as meaning "my way or the highway" and that's not an approach to negotiation that I'd agree with.

However, it actually refers to something else. The author claims to not split the difference or not meet halfway because that'd mean both parties get something that is not exactly what they want. It'd be better to have no deal and negotiate with someone else.

I enjoyed the book a lot! And yesterday I even got to employ one of the tactics at the hospital:

I wanted my traumatologist to have access to some scans that I had on CD. The assistant got some papers ready and pulled out an envelope. I hesitated. I was okay giving her the CD and waiting a bit for her to copy the data, but I didn't want to leave the CD with her.

She told her that would be the only way and called her colleague. The colleague was cold, unfriendly and didn't even listen to me.

...

Me: "Are you listening to me?"

She: "What?"

Me: "Are you listening to me?"

She: "What do you want?"

Me: "You interrupted me."

She: "I thought you were done talking" (obviously not the case, but I did my best to put the ego aside)

Me: "I'm sorry. I want my doctor to have all the information about me, including the one on here, so that she can make the best decisions. But I cannot take the responsibility for leaving the CD here several days."

She completely changed her attitude. Suddenly, she didn't react defensively anymore, but was thoughtful.

"You could make a copy and give us the copy or the original and keep the other for yourself."

I was blown away. It worked! (I often have rather unpleasant conversations when in contact with the health system. There's usually a lack of listening and understanding of the patient).

The format behind the statement I used is to apologise for the inconvenience, express the desire, and express the limitation. End the statement not with a question but as a matter-of-fact statement. Be patient and see the change in attitude of the counterpart.

Growing Office

I've introduced a new assistant into my office: ChatGPT.

You've probably at least heard about it or even tried it out. Many people play around with it a little bit and save themselves some Google searches or ask silly questions.

I, however, decided I'd learn how to best use it to save myself some time.

Let me give you some use case examples:

1) Troubleshooting. I bought a wireless keyboard to improve my posture at the (standing) desk and with the prospect to be able to connect it to my phone and tablet as well. However, I couldn't get it to work with my phone.

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I continued asking if my phone supports OTG (yes, it does) and had a conversation that was better than any customer service conversation I've ever had. And in about 15 minutes I got the keyboard to work with all my devices.

2) Summarising information. I can give my new assistant some bullet points of what I talked about in a podcast episode and it'll create a catchy and pretty accurate episode description (that I then polish).

3) Brainstorm. When I need to come up with catchy titles for workshops or questions to post in our men's group, ChatGPT is a great help. With just a little context, it gives me pretty useful ideas that I can either continue on my own or refine in a chat conversation.

4) Definitions and formatting. As I mentioned above, I read in Spanish. When I read on Google Books, I tap the words I don't know and take a screenshot. Later, I come back and feed these words into ChatGPT.

I've trained it to format them in a way that I can easily import them into Anki as flash cards.

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Ultimate Immune Boosters

Starting the year with COVID, having a bacterial infection in February and looking back at 2022 and realising I wasn't as healthy as I wished I was, I've decided to focus more on my health and specifically my immune system.

Our mindbody is complex and so is our immune system. There are many different routes to take to improve it: nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management, social connection, spending time in nature...

And, of course, these topics aren't all that separate (remember "The Cause of our Current Crises" in my November reflections?)

My partner already followed a strict diet and I've now joined her. That means excluding dairy, gluten, refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, conservatives, etc.

But here, I want to focus on three other practices:

Cold Water Immersion ("Cryotherapy")

Not the first time I write about this, I know :)

Cold water exposure, for example a cold lake or sea or taking a cold shower can lead to many health benefits, especially when connected with intentional slow and deep breathing (this also decreases the chance of thermic shock).

Reduced inflammation. Cold water immersion counteracts the inflammatory process. It is suggested that this happens through vasoconstriction at muscular level (narrowing of blood vessels in the muscles) as well as influencing cytokine molecules favourably (decreasing pro-inflammatory cytokines and increasing of anti-inflammatory cytokines).

Studies have shown beneficial effects of cold water immersion for conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, psoriasis, and eczema as well as acute injuries such as sprains and strains.

Improve mood and alertness. According to Shevchuk, exposure to cold can activate the body's natural stress response, including the release of chemicals like beta-endorphin (a natural painkiller and mood enhancer) and noradrenaline (which increases arousal and alertness), which can have an anti-depressive effect and help with concentration.
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I've noticed that many times. One time, I went for a run to get my head clear and process emotions that were tormenting me. Running along the waterfront, I spontaneously decided to go in. It made all the difference. It was as if every time I put my head underwater, the emotions were neutralised.

Boost immune system. The production of different white blood cells is stimulated by cold water immersion. These include neutrophils and NK cells who fight against bacteria and other pathogens that entered the body. Also, the mentioned vasoconstriction can increase blood flow and circulation, which helps deliver immune cells and other nutrients more efficiently throughout the body.

Wim Hof Breathing

This is a type of fast deep breathing for 15-30 repetitions and then breathing out and holding the breath as long as possible. Through the changes in oxygen and carbon dioxide levels, it is even possible to achieve hallucinogenic effects, including tingling and visual hallucinations.

I've experienced that many times. In my case, it was never something that concerned me. I rather got curious about the hallucinations.

Similar to cold water immersion, Wim Hof breathing has been shown to reduce the activity of pro-inflammatory cytokines, increase the activity of NT cells and beta-endorphins. Meaning that there is some evidence it reduces inflammation and improves immune function and mood.

Through this practice, I've vastly improved my ability to hold the breath, even when uncomfortable. That means, the discomfort does not automatically result in a total activation of the sympathetic nervous system (which would happen through a sharp inhale).

Journalling

Lastly, an intervention that's not so physical. I've decided to dedicate time daily to journalling again. This is mostly to clear my head and put my emotions on paper and process them.

It increases my self-awareness by finishing my thoughts and reflecting on what has happened. It also helps me structure my thoughts and plan my days better.

Unsurprisingly, it also helps with memory, and I often look back at previous entries to understand my thought and emotional patterns.

More Life Podcast Launch!

Next Wednesday at 4 PM CET (convert time), I'll launch my podcast More Life! 🥳

More Life that explores questions like "how can we feel more alive?" and "how can we create more aliveness around us?" Through insightful conversations with thought leaders, entrepreneurs, and creatives, I uncover the secrets to living a more fulfilling life.

Each episode offers practical tips and inspiration on topics like personal growth, human connection, and how to live life. From gratitude to travel, from systems design to regeneration, More Life provides a space to explore the big questions that shape our existence.

Later today, you can already check out my intro episode on Anchor or Spotify and on Wednesday, 8th, an additional three episodes will become available:

• Being Authentically Alive & Challenging Fear with Felipe Berardo,
• Colour Your Life by Travelling with Jesse Terranova, and
• a surprise episode! (that I'm still editing!😅)

Hopefully, on Wednesday, you'll already see More Life on your favourite podcast app (it's a bit unpredictable how long they take to catalogue new podcasts...)

It'd be great to have you give a listen and, if you like it, give it a rating and comment - that helps a lot to bring More Life to more people :)

I'll send another short email on Wednesday.

Basketry with Dates

Last year, we did a basketry workshop in a neighbouring town. It was great fun and so delighting to see what a good technique and some twigs can create.

I was halfway the desired height of my basket when we ran out of willow. That's when I went out and found some date twigs (the twigs that the fruits are on). They are comparatively shorter but similarly flexible.

This February, we had lots of date twigs lying around our street and I collected them. I also got some when doing some pruning. The young ones are green, then they get orange and ultimately gray.

I had a look at last year's basket, copied the technique for the bottom and weaved the twigs.

I ended up making two little baskets that I'm very happy about. One I immediately filled with kumquats and gave away. The other one has a narrower opening and a handle that I reinforced with soaked woven bark from the date branch.

In such a digital world, it feels good to craft something every now and then!

Kumquats, Borage and Mint

When it comes to the garden, I haven't been very active. Birds come in daily to look for treats underneath the mulch and the garden beds look messy. But we enjoy the visitors.

One good surprise was the amount of kumquats our little tree carried. Kumquats are small citrus fruits that can be eaten right off the tree but more frequently is used for marmelade. I pruned the shrub next to it and the kumquat tree definitely liked the increased sun exposure.

Borage and mint are also going strong. I'm expecting the next months to bring lots of rain (we almost hadn't had any the last months), that's why I'm not planting any tomatoes or other sun-loving veggies yet...

Made it!

And that's my reflection for January and Februar!

There are two things I'd like you to consider:

• Reflect on my reflections. I'd be happy to receive a reply from you.
• Forward this newsletter to a person you think would appreciate it.

Until next month,

Jorim

P.S.: I decided to be more punctual with sending out this monthly newsletter. The next ones will come at the very beginnging of the respective months!